Of Greentights and Bones
by xDeadlyDiseasex
Summary: Sakura threw herself at sound trying to get away from Gai n Lee but everyone is friggn crazy!will sakura get kimimaru to bed? will tayayu get a chest? jiroubou bakes! Ukon is a dirty boy... KimiSaku


If you're a person that would like all the events happen in order this is not for u cuz at this point in time I am god and whatever you read obviously aint happening here. Whose ever dead I would like to be alive, my B

READ-N-REVIEW

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, I've never really been depressed or to be known for self harm. I don't hurt myself intentionally and I never truly contemplated suicide… well I never contemplated suicide till today.

It was an easy enough plan for a mission, go to Suna and hand Gaara a scroll that has blueprints in it how to make the Hyuuga's famous spiced meatballs. Easy right?

No… it could've been except for the fact Tsunade was still upset at me because when I was walking around her desk, I DIDN'T see the HIDDEN sake bottle under the desk. I ACCIDENTLY knocked it over thus having it all spill out on the ground. Tsunade was so mad she was on the floor licking it up like a cat, because it was her last bottle and Shizune put up posters of Tsunade's face at every bar to have them not give the Hokage anymore alcohol. Luckily for Tsunade Jairya would go sneak out of town and get her some, too bad Jairya was out doing 'research' in mist the day the ACCIDENT happened.

Tsunade was evil, I apologized even said I'd go out and get her more but, nooo she just had to be a big baby. A friggin' evil ass baby that ruined my life and will most likely give me nightmares from now till I die.

How did she accomplish this you ask? Well here's a sentence that will enlighten all of you, Lee and Gai bushy eyebrows wearing green jumpsuits and all; alone in the forest with me tagging along with me for the mission.

But I don't think you understand my situation here, so I'll break it down into several parts~

At the gate this morning when I got there they were still at

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!""Gai-sensei!"

"Lee your youthfulness is burning like the sun this morning!"

"Gai-sensei my youthfulness is so bright today because your youthfulness is making my youthfulness so much more stronger!"

"Lee you make my youthfulness proud of there being a youthfulness like you!"

And for some reason a field of flowers appeared and they were running slow motion until they were in front of the setting sun doing some messed up hugging thing while crying… which turned into a dark place for me with flames everywhere and no hope in my soul.

When they were done crying Gai looked at me pointing a finger at me with a frightened look and backed away "Sakura your youthfulness… is kind of scary…"

Lee beamed at me making my eye twitch a little bit more violent "Don't worry my beautiful blossom I will share my youthfulness with you!"

"Anything of yours that touches me, you are not getting back."

After one more youthful white shining thumbs up pose at Konoha we FINALLY left.

Then we were hardly even ten feet away from the gate when they started talking about youthfulness again, I tried to block them out by wondering which branch on the trees looming over my head looked ready to fall off and hopefully kill me.

"Gai-sensei don't cry youthfulness is not wasted not as long as there is me and you!"

Hmm… that branch looks old as hell maybe if I walk slower when I come up to it it'll snap.

"Lee your youthfulness is too much! I just wish everyone had as much youthfulness as you!"

Break… break… break… FUCKING BREAK!

"Gai-sensei not everyone can hold our youthfulness, like no one can be as fashionable as us either!"

Damn… why didn't it break?

"You're right Lee, do you remember why we wear these jumpsuits?!"

I wish I knew how to do a bear call…

"Yes Gai-sensei, because the color shows our pride for Konoha and it shows our youthfulness quite well!"

Then when I called it maybe it'd come and drag me off somewhere to be eaten alive.

"Exactly Lee, that and it gives the ladies a little excitement!" Gai and Lee blushed and did a sly perverted giggle while sneaking a glance back at me.

The ladies Gai is talking about are the ones that didn't get the surgery but still wore the dresses.

We were almost out of the forest and it was dark and so far I was killed by branches, bears, rabbit infested with rabies, a flying bird that dropped a kunai, Kakashi while trying to fight off some rogue ninjas that were trying to steal his Icha Icha, Naruto who threw a fork at Sasuke for trying to steal his ramen but missed, Neji with sympathy for me because he was on a team with these weirdo's, Kisame beating me over the face for eating shrimp last night, and in the end I figured I didn't need to imagine any of these things killing me. Because Gai and Lee's voices and eyebrows are enough to kill anybody.

"My youthfulness can not see in the dark, so let's set up camp!"

"Noooo, I think that we should go throughout the night without stops!"

"Why Sakura, your youthfulness is quite energetic but, I'm afraid when that un-youthful rock somehow dropped out of a tree to knock Lee on the head that his youthfulness has been somewhat turned into a concussion."

Yeah about that… I was aiming for a tree hoping the rock would bounce off the tree and back at me but, Lee found a 'youthful' flower and stepped in the way of the rock. Okay, so I threw the rock in the direction after Lee said he found a 'youthful' flower and stepped in front of the tree! You would've done the exact same thing so don't judge me!

After setting up camp and had a fire going Lee actually woke up, joy.

We all were sitting around the fire, the freaks were talking about, guess… yes youthfulness. Who would've known? Definitely not me who heard about this from six am to about eleven pm at this point in time. That would be twenty-three hours, twenty-three hours, twenty-three hours, TWENTY-THREE HOURS FILLED WITH YOUTHFULLNESS; THAT IS TOO MUCH YOUTHFULNESS FOR ONE FRIGGIN' DAY!

But I'm not frustrated or furious, no definitely not me; I am going freaking I.N.S.A.N.E. I need some cushion room time and most likely like at least four straightjackets on.

"So tell me Lee, what is going on between your's and Sakura's youthfulness?"

Y'know, being a serial killer can't be that hard. Yeah you can get life in jail but, it would be okay. I mean no bills, sure the food ain't too good but I'm not much of an eater anyways.

Lee blushed with embarrassment and laid his hand on his warm cheek "Gai-sensei, I'm still trying hard to prove my youthfulness to Sakura so I can be her boyfriend!"

Gai started to tear up and held Lee's hand "Lee, I am proud of you! Don't give up train hard and one day she won't be able to forget about your youthfulness!"

Please I couldn't forget about either of their youth unless I got extensive therapy.

Gai turned and looked at me… why is his eyebrows looking at me that way? "Well Sakura don't you think Lee's youthfulness is wooing you?"

"Negative"

I really don't like the way his eyebrows are looking at me…

Lee got up furrowing those black bear fur things he calls eyebrows and pumped his fist "Then I will train harder than ever! And my youthfulness will shine out the sun and I will even start washing my jumpsuit four times a day so it'll be extra youthful!"

I hate my life…

Gai stood up with tears in his eyes and clasped his hands with Lee's "Your youthfulness… is so strong! I'm so proud of you Lee!"

They cried a friggin' lake of tears while holding each other tightly. "Oh man, I feel like I'm apart of a really bad after school special…"

I folded my hands and put them up to my face then looked up at the sky "God, I don't ask for much. I would like to think I don't sin very often. So I want to ask this one thing of you and please consider it, TAKE ME NOW!"

Then I heard a low malice chuckle, Lee and Gai stopped crying but, didn't break their embrace just stared at someone behind me. I slowly turned around, Orchimaru and Kabuto.

I was scrambling around so fast I grabbed my backpack and crawled between Orchimaru's and Kabuto's feet and bowed down dramatically "Please take me! Please, Please, Please take me with you!"

I started to cry loudly hoping that this would convince them to take me, erase that SAVE me. Orchimaru chuckled again and called for his huge ass snake, "Well you heard her Kabuto, she wants to come along." Kabuto grabbed my arm and led me onto the snake's back.

"I never thought I'd be riding Orchimaru's snake, how many times have you rid Orchimaru's snake Kabuto?" I smiled at him innocently as he scowled at my nasty comment.

"Can't we just push her off the side Orchimaru-sama?" He contemplated it for a moment then turned to glance at me, "No I think she might be… useful." "Useful?" Orchimaru shrugged "That or give us all a deadly headache."

Kabuto huffed in exaggeration, he knew trouble when it came around and right now it was behind him trying not to get snake sick.

------------

By morning we actually arrive at the base. I stumbled off the snake hand over my mouth and the other on my stomach, I bent over trying to keep the toast from making its way back up through my throat. Snake travel was NOT as fun as it looks.

I was cut short of my dry heaving as a hand roughly pushed my right shoulder to walk, "These are the Sound Five." I looked, "Oh I know this story!" and clapped my hands together smiling.

Kabuto raised a normal eyebrow "What story?"

"You know, the one where there's a fat one, a six armed one, a flat chested girl, deformed twins, and… what ever the hell is wrong with the last one I don't know."

I could feel them all glaring at me, was it summer already? Orchimaru just walked by them without glancing around "Now you all play nice and Kabuto have everyone introduce themselves." you could hear him chuckling even as he disappeared in the black cave-dungeon thing.

Kabuto nodded begrudgingly, "Everyone now if you all will please introduce yourselves and maybe a little about yourselves."

What the hell, I feel like I'm back in school.

The guy with six arms gave me a hard stare "I'm Kidoumaru, I like to watch puppies die as I squeeze the life out of them slowly." Right… at least Gai and Lee didn't suffocate animals.

The girls with no boobs "I'm fucking Tayuya, soon to be Tayuya Uchiha so you better fucking leave my future husband Sasuke alone, skank!" with that she walked away, god the last thing is I need is an undeveloped girl with Ino's brain and Ibiki's potty mouth; which reminds me Ibiki still owes me twenty bucks for being able to have Anko admit her lesbian experiences.

The fat one was up next "I'm Jiroubou, I like to… be a sound-nin" he said it kind of sadly…

"Anything else?"

"Well… I like to bake sometimes…"

"Well there you go! I suck at baking you can help me." He nodded a little eagerly, god I totally sound like a chubby chaser.

"I'm Sakon and that's Ukon, I enjoy fine literature while Ukon has a more distasteful collection of books…" Ukon head butted Sakon "Hey they're romance novels!"

Well the twins were arguing, they weren't bad looking plus there are two; two is better than one. The last one left is the sickly looking one, he was quiet the whole time "I'm Kimimaru…"

Me and Kabuto waited for him to say something he liked when he didn't I went on to my introduction "I'm Haruno Sakura, and I am… a raging alcoholic…" I started to fake tear up until I saw Jiroubou and Kabuto sweat drop and give an exhausted sigh. "Hey I could be jerks!"

The mention of alcohol had the twins attentions as they said in union "Alcoholic's party tonight!"

"Definitely." I could seriously enjoy myself here.

Meanwhile…

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GAI-SENSEI MY YOUTHFUL CHERRY BLOSSOM HAS BEEN ABDUCTED BY NON-YOUTHFUL FIENDS!!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEIR UNYOUTHFUL CLOTHES WILL SURELY TAKE ALL THE YOUTHFULNESS OUT OF SAKURA!!!!"

As they cried together they started choking as their tears were building up and turned into a tear filled lake. Between sobbing and hiccups and murmurs of "un-youthful" they held each other through this horrible un-youthful time.

"Ne, why are they crying?" Naruto put his hands on the back of his head and leaned back.

"Who knows." Neji said while walking past them without glancing.

"Who cares, come on dope." Sasuke following Neji's footsteps.

"-murmur-teme…" as Naruto went trudging along after, Gai and Lee still babbling and sobbing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmmmmm what'd ya think?

Review is always youthful,

Sam


End file.
